Shepherd's Center of Charlotte

It suddenly occurred to me the other day as I was riding through Myers Park and admiring the beautiful houses, that I would never own or live in one of them. That was a little disturbing. When I think of how many times I have passed by a house and thought, “Hmm, I could live there!” Realizing that was never going to happen is depressing.

The small town I grew up in had just two mansions. My friend Lynn’s father was the caretaker of one of the stately homes and they lived in a cottage nearby. When several of us would go to play with Lynn, (Now you would call it a play date, but in those days we just called it “playing with Lynn.”) we would often go to the big, yellow house to play hide and seek. The owners lived in New York City and only stayed in our sleepy little town occasionally, so the house was empty a good amount of the time. It was a great house to play in. There were at least 20 large, spacious rooms of all sizes and shapes for us to hide in and oftentimes, we tired of the game before the “it” person found us. Lynn, Donna, Jean and I had great times in that vacation home. I remember thinking back then that when I grew up, I would marry a rich man and have a house either just like it or I would buy that house and live it in until the end of time.

Well, needless to say, that was one dream that didn’t quite work out the way I’d planned. It’s hard to give up your dreams, but at some point reality sets in and that’s what we have to do as we get older. Some things are just not going to happen for us and it’s hard to accept that. For example, I’m never going to swim the English Channel. OK, that was never a dream of mine anyway, but it sounded good, didn’t it? I’m never going to win an Olympic medal. I’m never going to have another baby. I’m never going to be a size 0 again. I’m never going to ride a motorcycle from sea to shining sea. That one makes me laugh just thinking about it. I can imagine I’d get pretty tired scrubbing bugs off my visor.

As seniors, we have to resign ourselves to the fact that we’re not going to do some of the things we had planned to do. But there are other things we still can do that will make a difference and enrich our lives. We can be good examples to our children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends. We can live healthy lives and find enjoyment in doing things with our friends. We can explore new hobbies and make new friends and we can review our “wish list” and do the things we can still do before we have to add them to the “I’m never going to” list. 

Lynn, Donna, Jean and I all left that sleepy little town but the big, yellow house remains. When I visit, I still look at it with longing. Jean died at 28 from a brain tumor. Lynn married a professor, moved to Montreal, Canada and is now surrounded by six kids and many grandchildren. Donna now lives in Alaska. After two failed marriages, three of her own children and two adopted, she decided to go to the land where the ratio is five men to each woman. The last time I heard from her, she was digging in for the winter and keeping a lookout for “Mr. Right.” Some dreams never end.

Until next time…

Linda R. Pellerin, Executive Director

My father’s sister Cecile passed away recently. When my Dad called to give me the news, he said something that struck me, he said, “Now there are only four of us.” He had 11 siblings; seven brothers and four sisters. And now there are four left. One brother and two sisters are all that remain of this large family. What he didn’t say was that there are about 46 of their children left with over 200 of our children and close to 400 of theirs. His family has left quite a legacy, but in his mind there are only four left.

Last year my mother’s remaining sister Evelyn died and my Mom said to me, “There’s just me left now.” My Mom is the youngest of eight children and she is the lone survivor. In her mind that was a lonely thing, but again, she wasn’t thinking of the 26 surviving children of her and her siblings and the multitude of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

My parents, at the age of 85, are both the Patriarch and Matriarch of their respective families. My Dad has always been the go-to person in the family to help those in trouble or need. But my mother never envisioned being the “leader” of anything. Who will hold the families together when they are gone?

And then it occurred to me that I had no clue of the whereabouts of many of my cousins and their offspring. I don’t even know the names of many of their spouses. I was one of the few that moved away. At least I know most of them are still in the northeast. It was then that I decided to make it my mission this year to track down everyone and get their information before it’s too late.

There is a wonderful Web site, www.ancestry.com that will help you do that for FREE as long as you don’t need to delve into public records. Then there is a charge, but it’s minimal. The great thing about this Web site is that it’s set up specifically to keep track of your family tree.

Years ago I visited my aunts and uncles and got stories from them about when they were young. I taped them all, but as yet have not done anything with them. But I’m glad I did this, because many of them are gone now. Once I find everyone and get them listed in our family tree, I’ll find those tapes and write up their stories for the family.

Our Adventures in Learning program begins on Monday, January 24 at Pritchard Memorial Baptist Church and one of the classes we’re offering this semester is called “Letters to my Grandchildren – A workshop for grandparents (and others) wishing to share their faith journey.” This is an excellent class and will guide seniors who want to share their experiences with their families.

I think we it would be nice to take it a step further and write down our thoughts and memories in general for our families. What better way to leave a legacy? You never know, a memory of something that happened to you in high school could serve as an inspiration to a grandchild or great-grandchild. If you’re not comfortable writing, putting your memories on tape or video would work just as well and might be even more meaningful to your offspring as they listen to your stories in your own voice.

My grandfather had a small Remington manual typewriter and he pounded out his memories after he retired. We have hundreds of pages of his memories of when he was a child growing up in Rhode Island. He also wrote about becoming a teenager in the early 1900’s and meeting my grandmother. He was not a schooled individual, so all of his memories are single spaced and there is no punctuation, but they are written down. In his later years, his writing took on a more political slant. He would be in the middle of a memory of his early working experience and then he would be off ranting about the political climate in the 60’s. But it gives us insight into his intellect and his knowledge of current events.

For most of us, the days of growing up and living life around family are over. Many families are scattered across the country and in some cases, around the world. Families are really the ties that bind and letting your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren know about how you’ve lived your life can be priceless. Let’s get them down on paper, taped, on a computer or video. You’ll be glad you did.

Until next time…

Linda R. Pellerin
Executive Director

Remember when you were a child and the weather would finally cooperate and you would get a snow day? Growing up in Vermont, we didn’t get many snow days. You would think we would with all the snow that falls there, but we didn’t. We would have to get at least two feet of snow for them to call off school. And, they never called off work.

I would always pray for a snow day when I had a big test or speech to present. And even if I was lucky enough to get the illusive snow day, I would never use the time wisely by studying for the test or practicing the speech. I would don my snow pants, parka and boots. My gloves, hat and scarf and head for the garage where we kept the sleds. It was off to the nearest hill to have fun with the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. I should say that some of those kids were actually adults who were off for the day and we welcomed them because they had the energy to drag the sleds back up the hill. Toboggans were always fun too, since we could fit a lot of us on them and have a fun ride down the hill clutching each other so we wouldn’t fall off.

After spending a couple of hours doing this, it was back to the house for the hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies that were steaming hot from the oven. Just as soon as our fingers, toes and noses thawed out, we would head back to the hill for more sledding. When we got tired of doing that, we would build snowmen or burrow into the deep snow to make our version of igloos. Then it was back to the house for lunch and maybe a nap and then back outside in the afternoon for some skating on the pond (after we shoveled the snow off the surface). Ah, the good old days!

Things have changed a lot since then. I don’t own a pair of snow pants or a parka, so going sledding would be fun, but I would get pretty wet and cold. And then there’s the possibility of breaking a bone if I fell off the sled while going too fast. In our neighborhood, the children sled on our street since we have a nice, big hill. That presents the possibility of getting hit by a car! And if I really think about it, I might actually have trouble getting off a sled even if I decided to take a ride down the hill. After all, they are pretty low to the ground.

And then there’s the shoveling of the driveway and walkways. Usually here in the south, we don’t worry too much about shoveling since the snow is gone before we can get around to cleaning it up. But this storm might be a bit different and the dreaded shoveling might come into play. If I busy myself at the stove long enough, my husband might actually get that done before I decide to help, especially if he thinks I’m making cookies! I’d like to think a snow day to me now means getting all snuggled in with a blanket and a good book.

But, thanks to computers and the Internet I can now work from home on a snow day, which is what I’m doing as I write this. Who would have thought it back in the day? Working from home! And on a computer, no less! My oldest daughter works from home all the time. A snow day to her is two rambunctious boys under her feet all day while she tries to work. No sledding or snowman building for her! And no hot chocolate and warm cookies from the oven for the boys! I could do that for them, but they live 1,100 miles away.

So enjoy your snow day (or week as the case might be) as best you can.  I have to go look busy at the stove right now since I see my husband approaching with the shovel.

Until next week….

Linda R. Pellerin

As we look ahead to 2011, how many of us are making resolutions that in all likelihood we’ll either forget or won’t keep? The beginning of a new year allows us the opportunity to reflect on the year that’s gone by and try to do things better in the months ahead. Some of us will resolve to become healthier, some to quit bad habits, some to be kinder, some to be more assertive, and so on.

I stopped making resolutions a few years ago because I’m one of those who usually forgets what my good intentions were after the first few days. Even if I write them down, I forget where I put the list so I quit making the effort. But this year is different, because I’m going to share my resolutions with you on this forum so it will be written for all of mankind to read.

And this year I’m going to ask you to share my resolution. It will be easy – all you have to do is resolve to FORGIVE.

• I forgive the politicians who forget that seniors are vast in numbers and still smart enough to recognize when they’re being bamboozled.

                -Instead of worrying about getting the “young” vote, they need to be worried about keeping the “over 50” voters.

                -Politicians knew 55 years ago that baby boomers were going to need Social Security – why didn’t they plan ahead?

                -Just because they make Medicare complicated, doesn’t mean seniors won’t figure it out – or find someone to explain it to them.

• I forgive those who look upon seniors as old, frail and stupid.

                -Just because our reflexes are a little slow doesn’t mean our brains are slow.

                -Just because we’re cautious and set in our ways doesn’t mean we can’t adapt to change – eventually.

                 -It’s taken some of us years to figure out what works best for us and once we do, we don’t like to stray from our routine.

                 -Most of us are willing to try new things and we’ll use them if we like them.

                 -Yes, we can be stubborn, but we’ll listen to reason if it’s explained properly.

                 -It’s true we don’t believe everything we hear, but that’s because we’ve lived a long time and we know better.

• I forgive doctors who allow us to leave their offices without asking questions.

                 -Some of us don’t ask questions because we were brought up to respect doctors and we assume they know what they’re doing.

                 -Some of us don’t ask questions because we’re afraid of the answers.

                 -Some of us don’t ask questions because we don’t know what to ask.

• I forgive those who can’t see past the gray hair and wrinkles to recognize the wisdom and knowledge attained from life in the real world.
• I forgive those who won’t sit down with a senior and ask them what they think – how they would handle a certain situation – what they would do if they were President.
• I forgive those who think all seniors have dementia or Alzheimer’s because we can’t remember things.

                 -We can’t remember everything because we have too many years behind us and too many memories to store in our brains.

                 -We can’t remember things because our lives are too full of Dr. appointments, weekly lunches, movie dates, shopping, car repairs, volunteering and special interests.

• I forgive those who don’t see the strength of seniors’ minds and spirits as we suffer the loss of a spouse, loved one or friend.

                 -We still get up in the morning knowing we’ll be facing the day alone or lonely.

                 -We learn to adapt and seek companionship in other ways, such as becoming involved with The Shepherd’s Center as volunteers or participants in the many services and programs offered.  

• And last, but certainly not least, I forgive those who can’t forgive us.  We are not perfect. We make mistakes.   If people want to live their lives holding a grudge, then so be it.

Happy New Year!

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director

Hi,
It is my opinion that fruit cake does not deserve the stigma that’s been attached to it for as long as I can remember. I have to admit that I’ve kept my preference for fruit cake in the closet for many years. I have a great recipe for fruit cake that was handed down to me from my maternal grandmother who got it from her mother who got it from her mother – you get the picture.

I love this fruit cake and I used to make it every Christmas and give it to friends and family. Now I admit that fruit cakes are heavily laden with raisins, dates, dried cherries, candied fruit, etc. and that makes them bulky and heavy. But that’s what makes them good to eat and good for you. I stopped making the fruit cakes about 20 years ago when I realized I was the only one in my immediate family who was eating them. I made the assumption that friends and family were probably not eating them either.

And then there are all the jokes about fruit cakes. How they’re used for hockey pucks, door stops, for weight training, to put in your car trunk when you need traction in the snow, how there is really only one fruit cake and it’s shipped all over the world from family to family, etc. I always laughed at the jokes, but deep down inside I was thinking to myself, “I don’t understand why people don’t like them.”

This year I was given a small fruit cake by one of my senior volunteers and as I was telling her how much I appreciated it, she shared with me that she liked fruit cake! Finally, someone else who shared my viewpoint! In talking with others, I found my volunteer was not the only one who liked fruit cake. So, for the first time in 20 years, I pulled out my grandmother’s recipe and made a fruit cake over the weekend. My kitchen was filled with the wonderful smells of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and coffee (yes, this recipe calls for coffee). It brought me back to my grandmother’s kitchen those many years ago when I used to help her make her fruit cake for the holidays.

Instead of making a big fruit cake, I made small loafs and even some cupcakes with the batter. My husband, who has always been one of those who hated fruit cake, picked up one of the cupcakes and asked me what it was. I told him it was “raisin and date nut bread.” He ate it and loved it!

Hmmm…. So this year I’ve been giving small loafs of “raisin and date nut bread” to friends. And, guess what! They like it. Same recipe, different name! I wish I had thought of this years ago.

As we enter 2011, I’m asking all the “raisin and date nut bread” lovers to take a stand. Be proud of your preference! Shout your love of “raisin and date nut bread” to the world! Be not afraid! Who knows, others may try it and they might actually like it. Then they can spread the word and before you know it, “raisin and date nut bread” will be back at the top of the food chain where it belongs.

If you’d like a copy of my grandmother’s “raisin and date nut bread” recipe just let me know!

Happy Holidays!

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director

Hi,

Anyone who knows me knows that I exercise and am constantly trying out new things to improve my health.  But it hasn’t always been that way for me.  There was a time when I wouldn’t move unless I had to.  Exercise was a dirty word and don’t try to get me to walk around the neighborhood.  That was a long time ago and before I realized how important it is to keep moving, no matter what!

We see a lot of seniors at The Shepherd’s Center who are strong and vital and when I ask them how they stay that way, they usually share that they have an exercise plan that they try to stick to each week.

One volunteer works out at the “Y” a couple of times a week and he also keeps up his yard and does odd jobs around the house. He’s very active and watches what he eats and tries to maintain a consistent weight.

It’s important for you to keep moving and don’t overdo it at first.  There’s nothing worse than getting out and walking for a mile, then not being able to move the next day due to sore muscles. The following are some tips to help you in keeping strong and vital throughout your senior years, but before you start, please keep these things in mind:

• Don’t hold your breath during strength exercises. This could affect your blood pressure.

• Use smooth, steady movements to bring weights into position. Avoid jerking or thrusting movements.

• Avoid locking the joints of your arms and legs into a strained position. Breathe out as you lift or push a weight and breathe in as you relax.

• Muscle soreness lasting a few days and slight fatigue are normal after muscle building exercises.

• Exhaustion, sore joints, and painful muscle pulls are not normal.

There are four types of exercises you need to be aware of to stay fit:

• Strength exercises build older adult muscles and increase your metabolism, which helps to keep your weight and blood sugar in check.

• Balance exercises build leg muscles, and this helps to prevent falls. According to the National Institutes of Health, U.S. hospitals have 300,000 admissions for broken hips each year, many of them seniors, and falling is often the cause of those fractures. Balance exercises will help you avoid problems as you get older. And balance exercises can help you stay independent by helping you avoid the disabilities that could result from falling.

• Stretching exercises can give you more freedom of movement, which will allow you to be more active during your senior years. Stretching exercises alone will not improve your endurance or strength.

• Endurance exercises are any activity—walking, jogging, swimming, biking, even raking leaves—that increases your heart rate and breathing for an extended period of time. Build up your endurance gradually, starting with as little as 5 minutes of endurance activities at a time.

Everyone benefits from exercise
Today, new information is emerging from research: people of all ages and physical conditions benefit from exercise and physical activity.

• Staying physically active and exercising regularly can help prevent or delay many diseases and disabilities, including dementia.

• The National Institutes of Health (NIH) report that even moderate exercise and physical activity can improve your health if you are frail, or have diseases that accompany aging.

Don’t be afraid to exercise
Exercise and physical activity are among the healthiest things you can do for yourself, but some of you are reluctant to exercise. You may be afraid that exercise will be too strenuous, or that physical activity will harm you.

Research from the NIH shows that actually the opposite is true:

• Exercise is safe for people of all age groups.
• You hurt your health far more by not exercising than by exercising.

An inactive lifestyle can cause you to lose ground in four areas that are important for staying healthy and independent: strength, balance, flexibility, and endurance.

It’s never too late to start exercising
Even if you have had an inactive lifestyle, there is good news. It’s never too late to improve your health.  Research suggests that exercise and physical activity can help you maintain or partly restore your strength, balance, flexibility, and endurance.

You can find more information about specific exercises for seniors at the following Web site; http://seniorliving.about.com/od/basicexerciseseries/ss/strengthexercis.htm.

Hopefully, these tips will help save you and your family some time and aggravation. Until next week….

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director

Hi,

My maternal grandmother never drove a car in her life.  Considering she had eight children and was widowed when her youngest (my mother) was just two, I can’t imagine how she managed!  She spent her life using public transportation, taxi’s and relying on friends and later children and grandchildren to get her where she needed to go.  As a child, I remember riding in taxis with her and every taxi driver knew her by name.  Bless her heart, she was even desperate enough a couple of times to ride with me when I was a teenager. 

That was a long time ago and things are different now.  Most people who can afford a car are able to enjoy their independence.  And it’s that independence that is at risk when seniors can no longer drive due to medical issues or age.  My parents are both 85 and my mother does not drive anymore, but can if she has to.  My father does all the driving for them, even if it’s to drive himself to the hospital.  Not the best scenario, but it proves my point that giving up the license and the car are very difficult decisions for seniors.

When should you consider this life-altering decision?  Here are some facts that might be of interest to you:

• Statistics show that the elderly are more likely than other drivers to receive traffic citations for failing to yield, turning improperly, and running red lights and stop signs—all indications of decreased driving ability.
• It is a fact that older adults are at higher risk for road accidents than other age groups
• Older drivers are more likely to get into multiple-vehicle accidents than younger people do, and the accidents are more dangerous for them than for younger drivers.
• A person 65 or older who is involved in a car accident is more likely to be seriously hurt, more likely to require hospitalization, and more likely to die than younger people involved in the same crash. 
• Truth is, fatal crash rates rise sharply after a driver has reached the age of 70.

The following are some unsafe driving warning signs.  If you experience any of these, it might be time for you to consider an alternative means of transportation.

• Problems on the road. Abrupt lane changes, braking, or acceleration. Failing to use the turn signal, or keeping the signal on without changing lanes. Drifting into other lanes. Driving on the wrong side of the road or in the shoulder.
• Trouble with reflexes. Trouble reading signs or navigating directions to get somewhere. Range-of-motion issues (looking over the shoulder, moving the hands or feet). Trouble moving from the gas to the brake pedal, or confusing the two pedals. Slow reaction to changes in the driving environment.
• Increased anxiety and anger in the car. Feeling more nervous or fearful while driving or feeling exhausted after driving. Frustration or anger at other drivers but oblivious to the frustration of other drivers, not understanding why they are honking. Reluctance from friends or relatives to be in the car with the senior driving
• Trouble with memory or handling change. Getting lost more often. Missing highway exits or backing up after missing an exit. Trouble paying attention to signals, road signs, pavement markings, or pedestrians.
• Close calls and increased citations. More frequent “close calls” (i.e., almost crashing), or dents and scrapes on the car or on fences, mailboxes, garage doors, and curbs. Increased traffic tickets or “warnings” by traffic or law enforcement officers. 

If you feel it’s time for you to hang up your car keys, keep in mind that The Shepherd’s Center of Charlotte provides a transportation service for seniors who can no longer drive.  Just call the office, 704.365.1995 at least three days before you need the service and we will do our best to find a driver for you.  Also, please note that twice a year we offer a safe-driving course taught by Officer Howard Setzer through the AARP Driver Safety Program.  We’ll be offering the course again in the Spring of 2011.

You can find more information about safe driving for seniors at the following Web site; http://www.helpguide.org/elder/senior_citizen_driving.htm.

Hopefully, these tips will help save you and your family some time and aggravation.  Until next week….

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director

Hi,

Years ago my paternal grandmother was admitted to the hospital for reasons I can no longer remember. What I do remember is that while there, she had a personality change. This was a woman who had borne 14 children, 12 of whom survived. After her children grew, she then watched many of her grandchildren, me included. One thing I can attest to – this woman had the patience of a saint. With all of us running around underfoot all the time and getting into all sorts of trouble, she always managed to keep her cool. So the personality change was a big surprise to everyone. After some investigation, it turned out the doctor had given her a drug that did not interact well with the drugs she was already taking.

That was about 20 years ago and luckily for us, there are programs in place now that can help us determine if our medications are compatible. ChecKmeds NC is a program that few seniors know about. It’s a state program administered by the North Carolina Health & Wellness Trust Fund and it provides you with free consultations with pharmacists throughout the state to make sure you’re taking your meds properly and that they don’t interact in an adverse way.

A ChecKmeds NC pharmacist will meet with you (about 30 minutes), look at all of your medicines and then make sure you know the following:

• When and how to take your medicine.
• Drugs you may or may not need.
• If you need to change the drugs you are taking (due to side effects or if there are drugs that can’t be taken at the same time).
• Then the pharmacist will talk with your doctor about any changes that may be needed in the drugs you take.

How do you get a free medicine checkup? All NC Medicare Prescription Drug Program participants age 65 or older can get this free service.

1. Find a ChecKmeds NC pharmacist by calling 1.866.922.6247 between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. weekdays or go to the Web at www.getoutcomes.com and use the “Pharmacist Finder” feature.

2. Contact a ChecKmeds NC pharmacist to set up a time to meet. Please note that you may see any pharmacist in the program for your consultation. You do not need to change where you get your medicine.

Hopefully, these tips will help save you some time and aggravation.

Until next week….

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director

November 15, 2010 post

Hi,
Last week my husband found a wallet on the side of the street while he was walking the dog one evening. He brought it home and it was loaded with credit cards, insurance cards, identification, license, check book, Social Security card, etc. There was no money in it, but we were concerned because some poor woman was probably frantically trying to find her wallet. I did a search on the Internet, but could not find a phone number for her. She had apparently just moved to the area from a community in Florida. We finally called the police and were told to bring the wallet to the station, which we did that evening.

I really felt sorry for the young woman whose wallet had probably been stolen. I’m assuming when the thief extracted the money from it, he probably just tossed it out the window of his car and that’s how it was found. I had my wallet stolen and it can be a nightmare trying to get all the cards cancelled and renewed. I was lucky in that my wallet was recovered (in the back of a toilet at a restaurant of all places) and turned over to the police. I was able to get it back within 8 hours. By then I had already cancelled my credit cards, but had not yet had time to get a duplicate driver’s license and insurance card. I was very grateful to have gotten it back so soon.

We’ve all heard horror stories about stolen identity and the following is a great tip that was shared by one of our very savvy volunteers:

Place the contents of your wallet on a copy machine. Copy both sides of each license, credit card, insurance card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel if your wallet is stolen. Keep the copies in a safe place other than your purse or wallet. Make sure you remember where the safe place is. (smile) Also, it’s a good idea to carry a photocopy of your passport when travelling here or abroad. You never know when you might need it.

So, let’s say your wallet gets stolen. What do you need to do first?

1. Try to remember where you put your photocopies of the contents of your wallet. Then call the appropriate credit card companies to cancel the cards immediately.

2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your wallet was stolen. This proves to the credit providers that you are diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation, if there is one.

3. Call the three national credit reporting organizations to place a fraud alert on your name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. Their information is as follows:

a. Equifax: 1.800.525.6285
b. Experian: 1.888.397.3742
c. Trans Union: 1.800.680.7289

4. Call the Social Security Administration fraud line number, 1.800.269.0271.

Hopefully, these tips will help save you some time and aggravation.

Until next week….

Linda Pellerin, Executive Director